I know the big hoopla these days is Global Warming, but I say, “No, thank you.” because what I really want is Global Colding.
Films like “The Day After Tomorrow” and “I Can’t Believe There’s Yet Another Disaster Movie Where The Earth And All Its Inhabitants Freeze To Death” get my little heart pumping, and not through fear of death. I think a colder world where it snows just about everywhere seems like a pretty good idea to me.
The thing is, I love snow. Love, love, love, love, love. And in case you aren’t quite sure of my position yet, I LOVE SNOW.
Sadly it does not snow here in Kilmarnock. And for all of you who live here and are about to protest – don’t bother. A miniscule snowfall which immediately turns into grey sludge and only comes once a year does not count as SNOW. I’m not sure what it does count as, but I can assure you that it is definitely not actually snow.
I’m talking about big, fat flakes that consume the surface of the Earth and turn even the most redneck front yards (rusting cars and planters made out of old tires) into a blissful, peaceful expanse of whiteness. I’m talking about ice storms which bring down trees and power lines. I am talking about having to shovel through two feet of snow on the last Friday before Christmas (2004?) when there is no power in the neighborhood and one of your neighbors is boiling hot water on his outdoor gas-fired grill to make coffee. Digging cars out of the front yard where they’ve over-shot the turn and ended up on top of the mailbox.
Or driving along the highway behind the tandem plows getting pelted with rock salt. Or the coincidence of driving under a bridge when a plow is clearing the road above and getting buried in wet salty snow mush. Or the mountains of snow in shopping mall car parks that thaw in the springtime to reveal piles of garbage, shopping carts and someone’s banged-up ’82 Honda they thought had been stolen but was, in fact, eaten by the snow plows. It’s a whole WINTER thing, and I suppose if you’ve never experienced it then you simply couldn’t understand…
I miss having to wake up for work an hour earlier just in case you need to shovel/beat your way out of the driveway. I miss the sound of the snow plows waking you up at 3am with such a noise it shakes your bones (and only being reassured it’s not the end of the world because you can see the plow’s flashing yellow light bouncing off the walls of the bedroom). I miss my yellow truck which can’t slow down at all (forget stopping!) in the winter without turning in at least one complete circle.
I miss the sound of snow, and the way the air smells after it has snowed all night. When it has been a particularly quiet snow and all the branches of all the trees sag underneath a burden of pure white. Sitting inside with the world’s largest and hottest mug of hot chocolate after attempting to clear the front walk but giving up because with the rate the snow is falling you’ll only have to do it again in a half hour anyway.
I miss snow. Especially this time of year. Christmas just isn’t Christmas without feet and feet of snow.
And as for those certain internet shopping sites, fair enough you have free shipping with guaranteed Christmas delivery if you order before midnight on Christmas Eve (seriously?), but must you mock me with your festive Christmassy banners? Even Amazon.co.uk gets more snow then I do! (So does WordPress, for that matter!)
Although Kilmarnock does have the COLD part down. It just seems that cold and precipitation do not go together here. It was cold enough on Sunday that the mist in the air froze to any sedentary object. Liz and I were at Hayes Garden Land (Christmas shopping at garden centres = fun!) and their entire outdoor section was coated in ice crystals:
Isn’t she pretty?
Moral of the story? I wish it snowed in Kilmarnock. Seriously, a lot
As a side note – I do understand that if it started snowing on a regular basis in this part of the country that everything would shut down completely. I remember it snowed about a foot once and nothing worked. The trains couldn’t run, the bus service was stopped, there were notices on the radio telling people to stay indoors if at all possible. I was outside making a snow-angel (yes, at the age of 27) and thinking, “are they serious?”, and yes, they were. The thing about it is, if it started snowing on a regular basis then the council would learn how to prepare for it. They would get some proper snow plows (have you seen what they call snow plows here? hahahaha!) and people would learn how to walk drive in the snow.
As another side note – I am not saying that I do not love Kilmarnock or Scotland and that they aren’t lovely places in all other ways, because I do love them and they are lovely, but that doesn’t change the fact that I miss the SNOW.
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